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THE NEW
RESIDENCIA
** 14TH edition
EST 1233
EDITOR – ICE
ASST. EDITOR – PUP
VICE PRES = DAZE
EXEC VP – SIX
SCOOP REP – SCRATCH
ACE REP – JOHNNIE
EDITORIAL
Been some changing a going on – on the ol stream that even got me a thinking about things like deactivating or changing my handle/name. It seems that “change” is the one constant in this world we live, which includes Blogstream of course.
This “change” is what drives us through our world and I, being no different from anyone else – am always looking for “what’s new” and all that kind of stuff. However, “change” just for the sake of “change” is not something I’m into, now, or before, so I’ve decided to remain the same for the moment. I enjoy putting this “rag” out and as long as you all keep paying these prices for this ol rag, I’ll keep putting it out, all the while trying to bring yall the most up to date news as possible.
And speaking of that, I will recap some of the “news” floating around the stream, although in this case, the relative “newness” of it is debatable. We all know that Prank and the Dieselman deactivated on the same day which sparked yours truly to bet his lovely wife that they were both one and the same, which I still maintain in a “nice and easy with it fashion”. I liked, and enjoyed immensely - reading both blogs - and if indeed the same person wrote them then my hat’s (my white one) is off to them or him or her or whatever.
Interview with Abe
This interview took place in my cabin bungalow in the Catskill Mountains, about 14 hours ago, and many thanks to one of my sponsors for making himself available for it.
Ice: Mr. Lincoln, you’ve made an appearance on the ol stream “three times” now. Once with myself at my house, where btw, you tracked mud and water everywhere, and once with Prank and Hump, and just recently you, and your ever-present “butler”, reportedly spent the night partying with Cher. Also it was reported that you danced to “Santana” all night long. So, my long-winded question is; “how do you determine when and where to appear”?
Abe: Good question Ice, but since I’m just a figment of your imagination, maybe you ought to answer the question yourself?
Ice – A.K.A. – Abe: -- ah, good answer Mr. Abe. Well, it’s like this; “every once in a while I think it’s time to pull you out of the sock, so to speak, and have you make an appearance on the stream, for I believe that you bring something to the table when you do. Uh, Mr. Abe could you hand me a Corona? Editors Note: A “Corona” is a “yellow Mexican beer made in Mexico”.
Abe: sure Ice, here, and btw, I don’t really think you need to tell your readers what Corona beer is. I think those that have been reading you – know what it is.
Ice: no Abe, you need to give that beer to “Ice-a.k.a. Abe” – he’s sitting over on the other side of the table, and as to explaining what Corona beer is; I guess you could be right, but I always like to keep the public informed. Kinda sorta like you did when you were the Prez.
Abe: sorry about that, here you go Ice, a.k.a. Abe. So… I kept my public informed uh? Hmm.. I didn’t think so at the time but if “both of you” think so - then who am I to argue with you guys?
Ice,a.k.a. Abe: ah thanks Abe. And as to “who you are”, Why everyone knows who you are; “you’re Abe Lincoln, the man who chopped down a cherry tree and then blamed it on George”.
Abe: you know this is getting a mite confusing, cause I don’t remember chopping down a cherry tree, and, since there are “two of you” and only one of me, I’m having a hard time keeping up with the count. Plus – I’ve noticed that your name is underlined while Ice’s and mine are not. Why is that?
Ice: ah, the underline thing is to keep me from getting confused while I do the interview and as to the count; the count is - 3 - what with me and you plus “Ice a.k.a. Abe”, you know how it goes 1+1+1 equals 3 right? Hey Abe - how bout passing that Bogie over here, and don’t “Bogart” it while you do it please?
Abe: here you go. Hmm… when did Bogey get here? And wouldn’t that make the count 4?
Ice: thanks Abe. Bogey’s been here all along Abe, he’s waiting to be interviewed next, and as to the count; if you add Bogey we would get 4 but since he is presently in the “green room” munching on “Cheese Puffs”, and drinking Thunderbird Wine, we can’t really count him yet.
Abe: Ok, so where were you?
Ice: that’s my question, Mr. Abe.
Abe: ok, so where were we?
Ice: doing an interview I think.
Abe: maybe you should ask me a question then?
Ice: Well I can’t think of one at the moment. Do you have one for me?
Abe: as a matter of fact I do. My question to you “is what is the significance of the asterisk’s on your banner”. I’ve been noticing that lately, your issues have them things (asterisks) at the top on the banner; for example this issue has 2 asterisks, and the previous issue had 3 if my memory serves me correctly?
Ice: ah, I’ve been wondering when someone would notice that, and ask a question about it.
Abe: well, are you going to elaborate on your answer or just leave it hanging?
Bogey: hey Iceyman “we are getting pretty far down on the column, do you think we ought to move to the next column”?
Ice: hmm… I guess so. See you guys at the “middle and on top”.
Editor’s note; please move to middle column on top. Thanks.
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Abe: now Mr. Iceyman, let me ask you this question?
Ice: sure go ahead, and btw, are you asking the question or is Ice a.k.a. Abe asking?
Abe: no, I’m asking the question, you’re the one with multiple personalities, btw, have you ever thought of seeking professional help?
Ice: yeah, a few years ago, but when I looked up the phone number in the yellow pages, I was sorta cruising at a low altitude if you know what I mean, and I ended up getting the phone number of the “Professional Wrestling Association”, and after a few sessions with those clowns - I figured I was better off than them and I decided to end the therapy. Plus, them “body slams” were beginning to bother me.
Bogey: “body slams” hell Ice – everybody knows that – “all that shit is fake”.
Ice, a.k.a. Abe: How come nobody’s asking me any questions?
Abe: cause “nobody” isn’t here to ask.
Ice: nah, I didn’t invite him this time, but I did invite “Gezunda”, and I’ve noticed that she has just arrived. How is it going Gezunda?
Gezunda: fine, fine, Mr. Ice, Abe, Bogey, and Ice,a.k.a. Abe. You guys doing ok?
Ice: yeah we’re fine, how was your trip over from Australia?
Abe: she came all the way over here for an interview?
Ice: no, she’s only here to pick up a couple of cases of Corona and then she’s flying back to Australia.
Gezunda: but, I’m going to try and stop in and see Santana. I hear he’s playing down at “BillyBob’s Tavern” down on main street in the blog.
Abe: yeah, seems like I read that in the “rag” the other day. Maybe I’ll stop in too, would you like to dance?
Ice: ok, where were we?
Gezunda: Dance? Yeah I would Abe. Do you mean right now? And as to where you guys were --- I don’t know where you guys were and from the smell in here, I’m wondering where you’ve been, but, anyway, I have a question, if you none of you mind?
Ice: go ahead with your query Gezunda, we’re all ears. Hmm…. Abe and Gezunda dancing to Santana..
Gezunda: yeah I’ve noticed, and if I might comment on Abe’s ears. “God! They’re huge”.
Ice: yeah, and what about that nose?
Gezunda: crapola! I believe I’m getting a “contact” – might as well pass the bogey – Mr. Bogart.
Bogart: - sure here it is, and btw have you noticed that Prank was “reborn” as a cat?
Ice: yeah, you know he always did believe in reincarnation.
Gezunda; so, are you saying that Prank died and came back as a cat?
Ice: nah he didn’t die, he just deactivated and came back as a cat, but that is kinda sorta like reincarnation is it not?
Abe: could be Ice, cause look at me, that crazy Booth fellow shot me – decades ago - and I keep popping up here and there as you pointed out in the beginning of this interview.
Bogart: hey Ice = put on some music, how about the “Stones” or a little “Santana”?
Ice: ok, how about “I can’t get no satisfaction” or is that “dirty action”?
Abe: is both
Gezunda: who is that dude coming in the door Iceman?
Ice; that be Whit of “Whit’s Whittlings”.
How it’s going Whit?
Whit: very well my man Ice, btw, nice to finally meet you in the electrodes.
Abe: what does he mean by “electrodes”?
Ice: well back in your day the phraseolgy would be “in the flesh”, but in this modern day culture it’s “in the electrodes”.
Bogart: when did that crapola start?
Whit: btw Ice what in the hell is “crapola” and could you hand me a Corona?
Ice: sure man, here. I didn’t know you drank?
Whit: maybe you’re getting me confused with Colo?
Ice: could be, but you know there are so many reformed drinkers on the blog, including myself.
Whit: so, you’re a reformed drinker?
Ice; yeah, man, I “re-form” myself every time after drinking a dozen or so of these Corona’s.
Gezunda; can I have one of those things?
Abe: what the beer or the bogie?
Ice: pass her both of them, after that long drive she probably could use them.
Abe: they have a highway from Australia to the U.S. now?
Ice: yeah, it’s called “Highway to Heaven” and stars Michael Landon.
Bogart: never heard of it.
Whit: hey Iceyman, it’s time to move to the next column.
Ice; ok, although I don’t know why I try to keep these columns even, cause every time I post the blog, it comes out all screwed up.
Gezunda; maybe that’s because you never write much - unless you’re screwed up?
Ice: nah, that’s not it, for what I really do - is never get screwed up until I’m writing, and that just makes you think what you think, m’lady.
Gezunda; after 20 minutes in this party room I’m wondering what I’m thinking already.
Ice: ok everybody – we will now retire to the 3rd column. On my count, 1,2,3, and….
Bogart: who’s that guy coming in the door Ice?
Ice: oh that’s Scratch, he’s probably coming in looking for his paycheck, which my Exec VP has probably already cashed by now. I wonder how my new VP is doing – with keeping up with Six?
Gezunda; Icey!! We have to move to the 3rd column now!, we are really, really far down.
Abe: far out
Whit: ok, guys, see you at the top of the next column.
Ice: okay, okay, already, let’s move on over there.
Abe: ok
Ice a.k.a. Abe – ok with me. How bout you Bogey?
Bogey – I’ve been over there for ten minutes waiting on you guys.
Scratch: what’s up guys?
Ice: we are man, we’re moving on up.
Scratch: sounds like a song.
Ice; follow me man, we’re moving to the next column.
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Whit: man…. It’s “high” up here.
Abe: for sure!
Ice: looks good from where I’m at.
Scratch: so you’re interviewing Abe Lincoln, eh, iceyman?
Ice: well it started that way Scratch. Damn! Damn!
Scratch: what’s wrong Ice?
Ice; crapola! Every time I’ve been drinking or partying my insomnia away, I have a hard time typing your frigging name.
Scratch; what’s difficult about it? I don’t have a problem with it.
Ice: it just doesn’t come out right - very easily - and I have to keep going back and correcting it.
Abe: what are you talking about Ice?
Ice: we’re talking about typing Scratch’s name and how hard it is to do it.
Abe: I thought this whole thing was about your interviewing me?
Ice: yeah you’re right. Ok, I have a question for you?
“Do you claim George W. Bush as a true Republican?
Abe: nice. A political question. The answer to your question is No. Georgie Porgie couldn’t carry my jock shorts. He’s a draft dodging pussy just like Wild Bill, except Billy was more honest about it than Georgie, and btw, I really believe that he “did” inhale.
Whit: well what would you do different in Iraq, Mr. Lincoln?
Abe: Simple my man, I’d just send General Grant over there and tell him to start marching back to Washington D.C. and burn anything that got in his way.
Ice: but that wouldn’t be politically correct would it Abe?
Abe: no, no it wouldn’t, which makes it that much better of an option, don’t you think?
Whit: so, Mr. Lincoln sir, how long do you think it would take, before we could have the troops out of the country?
Abe: a few months or so, kinda reminds me of a conversation I was having with Omar, you know who I’m talking about when I say “Omar” don’t you?
Ice: yeah, the 5 star WWII general, Omar Bradley.
Abe: yeah, well - General Bradley was telling me the other day, about the time that the U.S. Government invited him over to Vietnam in 1969. He’d been retired from the Army for over 20 years and was pushing 85 at the time. Anyway, he went over to Vietnam and took a look at that “quagmire”, and when the military newspaper, “Stars and Stripes” was interviewing him - they asked him what his solution would be to that mess - he replied by saying, “well all I know is that with 685,000 troops, and all the equipment we already have in country, we could “concrete” this whole country from one end to the other in about 3 months, and be out of here shortly thereafter”. Well let me tell you, they had old Omar on a plane out of Vietnam, that afternoon, and nobody ever heard of him again till he died a few years later. Seemed the U.S. Gov’t doesn’t like hearing the “truth” sometimes, eh?
Scratch: so, Abe, you think we’re just screwing around over there getting our young men picked off one at a time?
Abe: actually more than one at a time, they’re killing them in bunches from what I’ve seen. It’s a damn travesty, and one that I personally find hard to stomach.
Ice: hey, look who’s here finally. Six, and my new VP – Daze, along with Pie. How’re you ladies doing today (ice says as he doffs his derby hat) ?
Pie: we’re doing fine Icey. Didn’t we see you and guys over at the stream the other day?
Ice: nope, wern’t us you seen. Must have been some other guys.
Scratch: where did that hat come from Ice?
Whit: yeah we’ve been over here sawing logs and stuff for the past few days, right Scratch?
Scratch: you’ve got that right Whit.
Ice: bought it on special down at “Peggy’s Hat’s and Stuff” – scratchomo.
Whit: what?
Ice: the hat
Abe: what hat?
Six: can the hat shit - guys, cause we’re sure we seen all of you guys including that dude with the beard over at the stream the other day. In fact the Purse Posse had you cornered until you put out the “to be continued sign”, so don’t try and deny it.
Abe: is she talking about my beard?
Ice: yeah, and when did you grow that thing? The other day you didn’t have a beard, and now you do, what’s up with that?
Scratch: do they have any more Ice?
Ice: what?
Abe: no, no, Scratch, you can’t buy a beard like this, you have to grow it.
Scratch: x’cuse me Mr. Prez but I was talking about Ice’s hat, the derby, he has perched on his head.
Gezunda; I wouldn’t buy no beard down at “Peggy’s”. That doesn’t sound like something she would have in stock.
Ice: no, Gezunda, we’re talking about my hat not the Prez’s beard.
Abe: Well, you can’t buy a beard anyway. Oh, I guess you could buy one of those fake beards, but then again, Gezunda, why would you want a beard for?
Gezunda; I don’t want a beard, but I wouldn’t mind having a derby like that one that Ice has.
Six: are you guys all loopy in the head. I thought this was supposed to be an interview?
Daze; are you talking about my German Helmet again Scratch? You better watch yourself, you still owe me money on that last time you commented on it.
Scratch: no, I’m not talking about the German helmet, Daze. At least not without my lawyer present.
Abe: what about a German Helmet?
Six: that’s another story, Mr. Prez, we’ll tell you about it someday.
Whit: I had a question for the Prez.
Abe: sure go ahead Walt.
Whit: that’s Whit not Walt, Mr. Prez.
Abe: oh, WaltWhitt?
Whit; no Whitt not Walt.
Abe; which is it whitt or walt?
Ice; forget it. What’s your question Walt, I mean Whitt?
Pie: I thought his name was Whittling?
Abe: Whit,Walt, Whittling? Hmm.. a lot of W’s in that name. Are you kin to Georgie Porgie?
Whit: no, and the name is Whit Whittling, not Walt.
Six; ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
Ice: ok, ok, don’t get your panties in a wad.
Daze: Icey man watch your mouth, we may have to have to have a meeting of the Purse Posse.
Ice: what’s in them purses anyway?
Scratch: hey boss, we’re at the bottom of the last column, you need to do something pretty quick.
Ice: Hell! I haven’t even got started on the interview yet.
Scratch: and how bout the story about “the brother”? What are you going to do about that?
Ice: well I guess it will have to wait till the next issue, cause we are all out of room here. In fact I will have to have Abe issue a “percolation” to get us out of here.
Abe: what’s a “percolation”? Sounds like something you do to coffee doesn’t it?
Ice: no I mean a proclamation. Come on Mr. Prez, issue a “to be continued” proclamation, so we can get out of here.
Abe: ok, ok, Ten decades and 16 score ago, Detroit was leading San Diego in the Superbowl….
Ice: drat!
To Be Continued……
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