About fifteen years ago, give or take a year or two, I decided to quit dousing myself with lotion after shaving, otherwise referred to as ‘using aftershave.’ After over a quarter century of this practice, I suddenly decided to quit. 

 

Eleven months ago, after years of smoking, I quit. 

 

A couple of weeks ago I decided to quit using ‘under arm deodorant.’ So, I quit.  Note: I switched to talcum powder. LoL

 

A year ago after years of being overweight, and making bad food decisions, I ‘changed my eating habits,’ (for life) lost 45 pounds, and instituted a regular exercise program. 

 

So…. How did I do these things? 

 

I used - Will.

 

Will ---- the capacity to choose among alternative courses of action and to act on the choice made, particularly when the action is directed toward a specific goal or is governed by definite ideals and principles of conduct. 

 

Romantic Ice: Gee, I like that definition: don’t you?

 

Practical Ice: Craps!  Why’d you interrupt Ice?

 

Ice:  He’s just that way - pay him no mind.

 

Romantic Ice: Well if you didn’t have your head grounded in practical shit all the time - you’d find something to like, maybe even - yourself.

 

Practical Ice:  Like where this conversation is headed?

 

Romantic Ice:  How’d it start anyway?

 

Practical Ice:  Like they all start; Ice pauses for a second… and you jump in.  Like the other day when you re-named the blog “Ice on the Windshield.”  Now where in the hell did you come up with that?

 

Romantic Ice: Don’t you worry about my creative juices; just sit back and let it flow - is what I say.  Anyway, I like it when Ice has to listen to us for a change, instead of always dictating what we’re thinking.

 

Practical Ice: Yeah, it’s ok, as long as you don’t get out of hand and cause trouble.

 

Romantic Ice:  Back to the definition – I like it because it explains so easily how Ice managed to turn things around.

 

Practical Ice: Turn things around?  Like what?  Quit using aftershave?  What’s so good about that?

 

Romantic Ice:  I’m talking about how he quit smoking and started taking better care of himself.  You know what I mean.

 

Practical Ice: Yeah - he jumps up on a soapbox after having all the fun he wanted, despite my pleas to ‘slow down, quit smoking, eat right, lose weight and generally take better care of himself.’

 

Ice:  Man, wasn’t it fun?

 

Romantic Ice:  Chill Ice. 

 

Practical Ice:  Anyway, as I was saying, you’re the one responsible for him being in the shape he was, what with all the crazy emotions you had in his head. 

 

Romantic Ice: That’s pure crap!  Name one time I was responsible for an action by Ice that was slightly out of the ordinary.

 

Practical Ice:  Wow!  Where do I start?  Ok, how about the time in Germany, when it was your frigging idea for everyone to play golf the morning after Ice’s birthday party?  Remember, that was the party that lasted all night?  It was also the night the German Police came knocking on the door, to tell Ice and his friends to quite down?

 

Romantic Ice:  I remember the party, but what’s wrong with a little golf?

 

Practical Ice:  In the fog?  After drinking all night?

 

Ice:  He’s right man, that was one of my worst days on the course; lost 58 balls, ran the cart into a creek, and we lost Norman for two days.

 

Romantic Ice:  Yeah, but you’re always losing balls, and that’s not the first time you ever drove a cart in the creek, and as for Norman; he was always getting lost.  When you guys went to Munich for ‘Oktoberfest,’ he got lost for a week.

 

Practical Ice:  Norman was married wasn’t he?

 

Romantic Ice:  For a little while.

 

Ice: I think you’re both bonkers, and sometimes … these internal conversations really get bogged down in useless semantics.

 

Practical Ice: I don’t think he knows what that word means.

 

Romantic Ice: Yeah he does, I saw him looking it up in that little dictionary he keeps on the desk.  But, it doesn’t matter; I’m more interested in the definition of will than anything.

 

Practical Ice:  Yeah I imagine you would be, what with your ‘romantic notions’ about the ancient philosophers and all.

 

Romantic Ice:  You have to admit - those old farts had it ‘going on.’

 

Practical Ice:  Cripes!  How can you pretend to have an intelligent conversation about something, when you show such disrespect for what you’re talking about?

 

Ice: Did you guys read about the woman in Germany who got pregnant after an online sex auction, then went to court to force the Web site that hosted the sale to reveal the names of the winners, so she could find out who the father was?

 

Practical Ice:  Man… that’s more information than I wanted.

 

Romantic Ice:  What about ‘passion phones?’  Why don’t we buy one? 

 

Ice:  Forget about the phones man, what I want to know, is what is it about ‘will,’ that is so interesting to us?

 

Practical Ice:  It’s probably due to the fact that it appears so easy to use in a positive way, but most of us – never really employ it to our betterment.

 

Romantic Ice:  Yeah, it’s a lot easier to just continue on the path most of us started on as kids, than to try and change for the better.

 

Ice:  But, who put us on the wrong path if not the very same people who are now telling us we’re full of bad habits such as smoking, not exercising, and eating the wrong foods?

 

Romantic Ice:  The proverbial --- they.

 

Practical Ice:  Well we all know that Society as a whole, screws each generation.  They just change it up a little, so we can tell the difference.

 

 Ice:  So what’s the key?

 

Practical Ice:  I’m not sure, something to think about though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anti-Impotence pill could boost high-flying pilots  A drug used to treat impotence could help Israeli fighter pilots operate at high altitude, the Israeli military's official magazine reported in its latest issue. It said a retired general along with 5 of his girlfriends, two ex-wives, and a waitress he picked up at Cracker-Barrel, plans to present to the air force the results of a study he conducted on Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania.  It was there that he spent two weeks with this group of women, discovering that tadalafil, the active ingredient in Cialis tablets, improved breathing, among other things, in a thin atmosphere.

Study links population to Intersex Fish

Scientists studying fish have decided that the earth’s population is controlled by Intersex Fish, not to be confused with Internet Fish.  Both are cousin-in-laws to Barney Fish, an actor who played Detective Fish on the now defunct television set of Thomas Barber, formerly of Danville, Illinois.  The last time the ‘set’ worked was the summer of 1956, a very good year.

 

Ireland debates switch to right-handed driving

Officials of Ireland are debating whether to switch to ‘right-handed driving,’ in order to protect their ‘left-handed driving women.’ Note: See Issue #1

 

Drunk threatens city with TV remote

A man drunk on his ass – threatened Jackson City, Nevada with his television remote, Sunday afternoon.  Calling it an ‘invisibility-ray,’ the man threatened to turn the entire city ‘indivisible,’ and declared every person created equal to the challenge of pursuing happiness, which, according to him was like ‘trying to catch air in a bottle.’

 

Sequeity

Donald didn’t like the feel of it; nor did he feel like it liked the feel of him.  Atmosphere was nothing but air, humidity, and a few other elements, but still, he was uncomfortable as hell.  He couldn’t see, hear, or smell anything; but he could feel something, something not right. How he got here he hadn’t a clue; neither did he have any insight by which to remove him from wherever he was. Time had begun when he first arrived, but he had no idea how long he’d been here, and now ‘fear,’ was gnawing at him, like a mangy old dog on a bone. The sound, the first thing he’d heard – came as from a distance; floating down from some unseen place above, like invisible downy snowflakes, the coldness waffling over him, freezing him, locking him in his own time-zone…. Forever and ever.

 

Swing low Sweet Chariot, Swing low

Jesse had a magic moment

Like all of us, even you

I suppose, though unsure

As time not being kept

 

Calmness and coolness doesn’t matter

Music plays like to a fool, just look

At what changing directions has caused

Down at the two and two saloon

 

Yeah, Jesse had a magic moment

Swing low Sweet Chariot, Swing low

 

 

 

 

New title to an old blog

Well it finally happened. The New Residencia has experienced a ‘name change.’ Ice on the Windshield will be the new name, and along with the name change comes other changes that I believe will improve the ‘ol rag.’ One of the main differences will be that it (my blog) will be more a personal journal than a publication, which in actuality, is more along my original intent when I first started it. By instituting this philosophy, I will be freer to write more often, and with greater latitude as to topics. 

 

What are you going to buy with your rebate?

To help stave off the recession the government is hoping we’ll all run down to ‘Wally-World’ and "spend" our huge rebate checks.  It will do no good (they claim), if people pay off debt, they (that means you and me) ‘must’ "spend the money" - for any good to come of this strategy.  Hmmm….

 

And the Winner is…

The race to see who will reside in the White House for the next 4 years is on, and it would appear (at first glance) that the Democrats have an inside road to achieving this goal.  However, the election is several months from now, and nobody knows what events will influence the final voting.  The three main candidates as of this writing are Hillary, Obama, and McCain.  My best guess is that Hillary will be eliminated – eventually – and it will come down to a battle between the ‘young’ black man, and the ‘old’ white man.

 

Said another way, a battle between ‘bring them home and end the war,’ and ‘keep pouring the troops in and win.’ I believe that the former will get our ‘collective nod’ and we will start on a very new course in this country - with President Barack Obama.

 

Clinton says she can beat McCain

Only one problem, She can’t beat Obama; see above.

 

We’ve bought a New Tempur-Pedic Mattress

Hmm… yes, uh, we recently purchased a Tempur-Pedic mattress.  Mainly for Pup’s back, but, oh my, I’m really enjoying this mattress.  You have to experience it yourself, it cannot be explained.  I used to wake up every morning with leg aches, and unable to go back to sleep I would get up and start breakfast.  Now, this doesn’t happen and instead of short 5-6 hours nights of sleep, I’m getting 7-8 hours and sometimes longer.  Great bed.  I recommend it!

 

p.s. I still have to cook my own breakfast though…

 

Retirement looming for Ice and the Pupster

Ah yes, “Retirement” is on the horizon for us, (less than 6 months away) and as it gets closer, our indecision becomes more pronounced. ‘Over and Over,’ – round and round – we’ve been through & through this issue without solving much, so far.  We have many questions to answer; for example – ‘where are we going to live in this glorious retirement,’ and, ‘what wonderful, exciting things are we going to do?’ Oh yes, there’s also this one - ‘do we really want to retire right now? Huh?

 

U.S. expresses concern about vaccine as flu cases up

Oh this is great news, is it not?  Our vaunted medical folks have screwed the pooch again with this year’s flu vaccine.  Seems that it’s not working like they thought it would.  Surprise!  Surprise!  Yeah, you’ve guessed it, flu cases are way up and the ‘so-called’ experts are musing that they may of ‘missed the mark,’ with this year’s vaccine.

 

Study says left-handed women more likely to develop Prostrate Cancer

A just released study by the Old England Research Division of Bell and Howell Helicopter Repair Incorporated, indicates that after studying 12,332 left-handed women with a Candid Camera, it has been deduced that left-handed women are more prone to prostrate cancer than their right-handed counterparts. All left handed-women are being urged to learn how to use their right hands.

 

Study says March follows February

A group of scientists studying the calendar for 22 months have determined that March follows February.  Alexander P. Hoskins III announced the results of the study at the Phil Monica Orchestra, attended by 88 Heads of State, the Emperor of China and 3 City Councilmen from Palo Alto, California. Mr. Hoskins presented a check for $440,000 to Barney Fife, Grand Head of the Study, and at his request Mr. Fife sang ‘Ode to Billie Joe,’ and the rest of the study group gave a rousing round of applause to Mr. Fife.   

 

ice

 

p.s. Pup says that since she's not posted a blog lately, that yall should be aware that she has purchased 'Prissy' a "pink sweater," to wear in the cold winter weather. 

 

p.s.s. Pup says that she will be posting a picture of Prissy forthcoming.

So, ‘Leo the Turk’ is going away, I wondered out loud.

Continuing to wonder I said - Hmm… what does one make of that?  I was talking to nobody in particular, except perhaps the Red Robin perched on the fence below the patio, where I was sitting.  It was a beautiful spring day in my mind, although the calendar said it was just another day in the interminable month of January, which I was at this moment refusing to acknowledge.  So you ask, “Is the Red Robin Really There?”  To which I answer – “of course my friend, you only have to recognize it (as real) to make it so, yes?”

 

Continuing to daydream my way through the day, I remembered a day in my childhood; it’s a summer day, there is no school, and I’m in the kitchen getting ready to go out the front door.  I can see the old brown screen door with the hole in the top left corner, where an occasional fly would leak in.  This always pissed Dad off, but, he never closed the hole and I always wondered why?

 

When I first realized as a teenager, that I had the ability to recall a particular time in my past, down to the tiniest detail, I thought everybody else did too.  Even after I realized that - that wasn’t the case, I used it (my memory) as sort of a magic trick, and loved showing it off, especially with the girls.  However, when I became fully cognizant of this unique ability, and after attracting the attention of my parents, teachers and doctors, I toned it down, and eventually quit showcasing it, and when asked, I would lie and say that I could not do that trick anymore.

 

There was no reason to remember the particular day I was thinking of; my mind just naturally unwound back to it, and then I was there. The day was – July 18^th, 1958, when at the age of 10, I’d gotten out of bed that morning at exactly 7 a.m. to a beautiful, bright sunny day, smack in the middle of my summer vacation from school.  Mom made scrambled eggs with milk, my favorite, along with bacon and French toast, another favorite.  Dad had already left for work and my little brother was still snoozing in his bed, while ‘Tex,’ our border collie, was barking outside at the neighbor’s cat.   

 

Mom: Where are you going today, Danny?

 

Me: I dunno, probably to Johnny’s house.

 

Mom: Well there’s bologna in the icebox for lunch, if you’re here.

 

Me: Ok

 

This is the way my life is, perfect memory recall of any day, hour, minute or second, of my past life. The ability to remember every detail no matter how small has been my silent partner all these years.  I remember Doctor Black our family physician, talking to me in his office; the day was the 12^th of February 1962, I was then 14. I’d hurt my ankle playing football, and had been regaling to the Doctor about my last visit to his office, which had occurred over a year before.

 

Doctor Black: Now Danny, how can you be so sure of a conversation we had a year ago?

 

Me: It’s easy Doctor Black, it’s in my head; I can see it.

 

Doctor Black: Well I doubt if you can actually do this, I think it’s a little hoax you’re trying to pull on me.

 

Me: Nope, in fact do you remember the ‘first time’ I was here; your white coat had a smudge of mud on it because you’d gone outside during the rain that morning, to get your briefcase out of your car.  You kept rubbing at the spot with your hand, while you were talking to me. That phone, I said, pointing to the phone hanging on the wall next to where he was sitting on his stool, it rang twice before you answered it.  It was your wife, she wanted you to stop by and check out your brother-in-law on your way home; he had the flu.

 

Doctor Black: Now Danny you know that the last time you were here, you had a sore throat and could hardly talk -

 

Me: No Doc, I’m not talking about the ‘last time’ I was here; I’m talking about the ‘very first time.’

 

Doctor Black: The first time?  When was that?

 

Me: March 1^st, 1957.

 

Doctor Black: um, Danny, that was 5 years ago, I can’t remember what went on that day, I see lots of patients, everyday….

 

Me: I do. I remember.

 

Doctor: Danny, let’s take a look at that ankle.

 

I recall later that day, my father coming into my room, and telling me that the Doctor had asked permission to have me examined by a friend of his.  Dad wanted to know what I thought. 

 

Dad:  So, do you want to see Doctor Williamson?

 

Me: No Dad, I don’t want to see a Doctor when nothing is wrong with me.

 

Dad: It’s that memory trick that Doctor Williamson is interested in.

 

Me:  Just tell him I can’t do it; tell him I just pretend.

 

Dad: Well, that’s not exactly true Danny, I know for a fact you can do it.

 

Me:  I don’t want to see Doctor Black or his friend, Dad.

 

Dad:  Good enough for me.  I’ll handle it.

 

The Red Robin was singing again on the fence below.  I can also hear music playing in the distance.  It’s coming from the little out building that Hannah uses for her painting.  She’s been up, and hard at it for several hours now, as I drink my coffee and continue to daydream through the cold January morning.

 

ice

 

 

 

 

 

THE NEW RESIDENCIA

 

a cold day; it has to be February

solitary steps of another’s walk

down a crowded street –all alone

on yet another gray winter day 

 

and as age soothes a wounded soul

from a spark so bright, it hurt

memories rise in dreams of life

of a love so carelessly cast aside

 

and teased by faulty memory

or a pretty girl’s innocent smile

I’m sometimes pulled to you

and that part of my hidden mind

 

where time rewinds thru dark nights

in and out of life’s ups and downs

to a beautiful morning where your memory 

finally leaves me alone with my dreams

 

so .. from whence dreams come,

and to where they always must return…

there you remain; banished forever

 

my lost valentine

 

 

Chapter 1 of my departure letter to the universe.

  

Time to move on; time to continue my journey.  No time to be constructing poetry but alas! – that’s what I’ve been doing, of late.  Any-How - it’s been interesting – here on this planet, but, CRAP-OLA! -  it’s time to exit, ‘stage right,’ as SnaglePuss used to say - back in the day when cartoons were cartoons - and weed was weed. Time, that invisible - so called golden possession - that all humans love to talk about – has stacked up the years and turned them into decades, one on top of the other, so high that it’s difficult for me to see over.

 

Ice and his many characters will go on as always - but ‘sans’ me, which for so long was captured ‘within’ – his persona.  He will not miss me specifically, but will sometimes stop what he’s doing for a second - when he catches a whiff of an aroma that will remind him of something in his past – which, of course, in time – he will learn to associate with me.  Even if he reads this document he will not realize what he has lost, nor will he give it much credence at all, since one can read anything these days on -‘The World Wide Web.’

 

Within 48 hours of the publication of this article - All memory of me, a.k.a. Leo the Lip - will be wiped clean from the slate of the world.  This article itself will remain floating through cyberspace for eons to come, but will be of no significance to anyone, just another piece of writing with jumbled words and paragraphs, seemingly meaning nothing.  But of course this article is a blueprint to two important events concerning the history of this planet. The arrival and departure of me. The leaving of this document is one of the most significant things ever associated with the planet.  Unfortunately it will remain insignificant for all of eternity – maybe.  The lone caveat will be - the unique ability of some - who will be able to read this document and understand it’s full meaning.

 

So, what does my arrival and departure mean? Perhaps more importantly, what did I mean while I was here?  I arrived on earth in the year 1914, first appearing in Chicago Illinois. 

 

Remaining there for many years as a journeyman car mechanic, while adjusting to the planet and its inhabitants, I became constantly amazed at what transpired in this world. 

 

‘World Wars, epidemics, assassinations, along with World-Wide hunger,’ seemed not to interest the Planet leaders who constantly sniped at each other while doing nothing to alleviate the suffering of a world subjected to a misery brought on and aggravated by - themselves.  Humans all over the world thought and thought about the Meaning of Life – and still do, but to no avail.  The answer to their cries... remains as elusive as disappearing fog in the morning sunlight – and even though they are heard, nothing changes - as the earth continues it’s slow tumble through this universe.

 

End of Chapter 1

 

Remember – Red Rubber Ball

 

Leo