Somehow or other, we, here at 'The New Residencia', have misplaced our lead indigestive investigator. We are presently - frantically trying to locate Hymas R. Peckersmith the 4th, who was last seen in Rome, Georgia.

Mr. Peckersmith was conducting an investigation into the disappearance of a Mr. D Bunkem, and has now himself, gone missing. Any information - anyone might have on Mr. Peckersmith would be appreciated. Either notify us - here at the Newspaper or Channel One News.

thank you

S.J. Hump
Temporary Lead Investigator

dateline, Rome, Georgia. Have interviewed everyone in town, twice, and still have not found anyone who will admit knowing Debunkem. "Wee Wacky" has been "mind-reading" throughout town, but except for the "affair" between Mayor 'Bus Stop' Monroe and 'Sally Ann' down at 'Bud's Cafe," he (Wee Wacky) has been unable to unearth anything of significant importance. The one and only clue we do have is a report on 'Fox News,' about a naked man spotted in Paris, France, who witnesses (one reportedly the wife of God) have identified as Debunkem.

However, the 'Paris Report' was weakened' when "Wee Wacky" read the mind of the "Fox Newscaster,' and discovered that he (newscaster) was contemplating a move to CNN, because of all the 'fruitcake' stories he was having to broadcast (on Fox).

After deliberate thought, we (Wee Wacky and me) have decided to focus our investigation on the recent spottings (reported by Channel One News) of a lone suspicious reindeer on the lawn of "The New Residencia".

Our reasoning is simple: Debunkem had a known affinity for 'riding reindeer' instead of horses. Where this 'affinity' originated is well known to Debunkem followers. Mr. Debunkem was born at the North Pole, and for several years lived next door to a 'Sand T. Cloos', who was reportedly fond of reindeer and kept a herd or two around the ranch. Mr. Debunkem, at the time he lived next door to Mr. Cloos, was about 14 years old, and to earn money after school, he would clean the reindeer pens. To reward him for his services, Mr. Cloos would let young deBunkem ride the reindeer anytime - except for Christmas Eve, which was their (the reindeers) designated 'night out with the boys'.

So.. we will be leaving at first light for Pustonson, South Dakota, the home of "The New Residencia," to investigate first hand the goings on with that reindeer.

sincerely, Hymus R. Peckersmith, IV and Wee Wacky, Esquire

dateline Paris, France, 15 October, 2005. An unusual sight was reported early this morning near the Eyeful Tower. A naked man was seen running neath said tower, pulling a long banner behind him that supposedly had these words on it; "FREE WILLIE."

A witness, Mr. C. Hump reported recognizing the man to be World Famous Time Traveler Claude DeBunkem, which was also collaborated by a second witness who professed to be God's Wife. She said with absolute certainly that it was indeed Mr. Debunkem cause she recognized important facial features of said DeBunk.

A news reporter, Here S. Johnny, was also on the scene from the local Paris Chapter of "The New Residencia". Mr. Here S. Johnny, in his traditional long brown raincoat, was interviewing both witnesses until local Police took both (witnesses) into protective custody for further questioning.

Channel One News, also on the scene filmed the entire sequence of events and will show the film clip on tonight's "Channel One News".

In conjunction with "Channel One News", we have accepted the challenge to discover the whereabouts of one Mr. Debunkem. We have also assigned "Wee Wacky", a reknown 'Mind Reader," to assist Mr. H.R. Peckersmith in this ongoing investigation. "Wee Wacky" is actually short for "Wihelm Wackepants", who might be remembered as the man who solved the infamous "Case of the Wailing Mistress", back in ought 2.

"Channel One News" will co-ordinate all "live updates," and will break into 'Local Programs' as needed with 'Redlight Reports' by ace comment-tater - "SugarPops" who is the younger sister of "lalepop."

So far the investigation has churned one report from Hymus Peckersmith, which was originally published in "The New Residencia" about 30 minutes ago.

We will report the facts as we like, but rest assured they will be "fair and balanced" to fit our agenda.

Do you suffer from SHINGLASH ? If you do - then you will be pleased to know that an antidote has been specially developed to halt this dreaded condition in it's tracks....

con'td page 25 b, last column on right

What follows is first "field report" from Lead Investigating Reporter, Hon. Hymus R. Peckersmith, IV.

Report: nothing so far

sincerely,

Hymus R. Peckersmith, IV
Lead Indigestive Reporter
Investigating Department
Internal Affairs
The New Residencia
484o2 Wilshire Blvd.,
Rattail, Colorado
394499
Office Phone - 555-555-5555
Cell Phone - same as above
Fax Number - same as above
Email - Peckersmith@boobieincorporated.period